Monday, June 14, 2010
Monday, February 9, 2009
February 9, 2009 7:29pm
Ok--
So I passed my test! YAY! All the studying paid off. It was not a very difficult test this time, and my anxiety about taking it was MUCH lower than the first test. I was quite literally shaking before I even left to take the exam the first time. They take your fingerprints and I was shaking so much that I had to calm myself down because the computer wouldn't register my fingerprints. This time, I didn't even have to redo my fingerprints, because I wasn't shaking so bad. The only time I got real anxiety was right at the end when Iwas clicking to end the exam...but at that point I was so emotionally drained anyway that I did it...and it said Congratulations, you passed! I was like, phew! It only took me like an hour and a half to do the test. Now I only have one more test to take and pass the background check, and of course pay more fees...and I will be an Enrolled Agent for the IRS.
Now I am just focusing on getting the few tax returns done that I do and my life will go back to normal.
Anyway---I thought I would have some time to myself, but Josh and Patric had other ideas...so until next time.
So I passed my test! YAY! All the studying paid off. It was not a very difficult test this time, and my anxiety about taking it was MUCH lower than the first test. I was quite literally shaking before I even left to take the exam the first time. They take your fingerprints and I was shaking so much that I had to calm myself down because the computer wouldn't register my fingerprints. This time, I didn't even have to redo my fingerprints, because I wasn't shaking so bad. The only time I got real anxiety was right at the end when Iwas clicking to end the exam...but at that point I was so emotionally drained anyway that I did it...and it said Congratulations, you passed! I was like, phew! It only took me like an hour and a half to do the test. Now I only have one more test to take and pass the background check, and of course pay more fees...and I will be an Enrolled Agent for the IRS.
Now I am just focusing on getting the few tax returns done that I do and my life will go back to normal.
Anyway---I thought I would have some time to myself, but Josh and Patric had other ideas...so until next time.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
January 15, 2009 7:19am
Ok--
So I am supposed to be studying for the EA exam I am taking in February, but something has compelled me to write. Perhaps because I haven't written since the middle of December, quite frankly on either blogs. With the holidays and Patric's birthday, time just got away from me. And then January hit full force, and I went into study mode...so that is why I disappeared for awhile.
The economy sucks right now...there is no other word for it...we have been able to pay our bills without worry in this new house up until now. I have one client in particular who is being hit by the economy and payment to me is delayed. I have been forgiving in the past because I do genuinely care about them, they were my first client (not sure if they know that or not) and even through their hard times they have paid me before. But, when my finances get really tight, I have a hard time forgiving the late payment, because I DO NOT pay my bills late. Patric and I have been VERY blessed to be able to have all the stuff that we do...not that we don't work REALLY hard for it, but I can totally see the hand of my Heavenly Father in EVERYTHING that we have...even down to my weight loss.
Patric and I had always said that we wanted to start trying for another kid when Josh was 18 months old....well...we did try, and luckily we did not get pregnant. I told Patric I really did not want to get pregnant because I hadn't lost all the weight from my first pregnancy and basically I felt miserable about how I looked. I remember the day distinctly, because we had Brad and Kami over to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas. Naturally, I fell asleep (what else is new) but so did everybody else, with exception to Kami. I woke up and immediately knew the answer to all my prayers...it was to do Atkins. Now---Atkins has had a bad stigma in the public eye because people think all you do is eat meat and no carbs...and quite simply that isn't even possible! Well, I guess it's possible, but I LOVE veggies...so it isn't possible for me. I lost 20 pounds in six weeks, from eating right (lower carbs, less sugar)...of course there was Thanksgiving and various cheat days in there...but I also worked out about 5 times a week during that time period.
Now I feel like I am ready to get pregnant. The weight is off, and then some...I have lost 24 pounds as of this post...I am back to where I was when we got married. I would love to be even less, but I am not dieting as strict as before, because I dont want to shock my body when I have to start eating more balanced meals for any baby that may come along. Patric and I have been trying this month, and I REALLY hope we get pregnant, because I REALLY want an October baby.
Anyway-
Back to the economy--Patric's company isn't doing so well....he wouldn't be the first one to go since he is the only one in the Marketing Department, but it gives his bosses an excuse to not give bonuses and probably raises...and that scares me. I don't know what we will do when baby #2 comes along and what if I suddenly can't keep up with my business and two kids?!? I know things will work out they way they are supposed to...so I am not worried TOO much...but right now I know how much is in my bank account for my business, and it worries me. I also REALLY want to do more tax returns this tax season, but then the other part of my wants to wait until I have my EA to advertise myself more for taxes. I will be doing four new tax returns this year, that I didn't last year...but I may have also lost a client because they moved...I don't know whether they will want me to do their taxes or not...they haven't said.
Anyways---
I guess I better go back to studying. At least this test is not as hard as the first one. I went into the first test REALLY nervous and scared that I was going to fail...but I didn't. And so I need to pass this test on February 7 and then take another one sometime in the summer and be DONE with the testing part and actually put my application in. I REALLY want to have all that done before another baby comes along...and definitely before next tax season.
So I am supposed to be studying for the EA exam I am taking in February, but something has compelled me to write. Perhaps because I haven't written since the middle of December, quite frankly on either blogs. With the holidays and Patric's birthday, time just got away from me. And then January hit full force, and I went into study mode...so that is why I disappeared for awhile.
The economy sucks right now...there is no other word for it...we have been able to pay our bills without worry in this new house up until now. I have one client in particular who is being hit by the economy and payment to me is delayed. I have been forgiving in the past because I do genuinely care about them, they were my first client (not sure if they know that or not) and even through their hard times they have paid me before. But, when my finances get really tight, I have a hard time forgiving the late payment, because I DO NOT pay my bills late. Patric and I have been VERY blessed to be able to have all the stuff that we do...not that we don't work REALLY hard for it, but I can totally see the hand of my Heavenly Father in EVERYTHING that we have...even down to my weight loss.
Patric and I had always said that we wanted to start trying for another kid when Josh was 18 months old....well...we did try, and luckily we did not get pregnant. I told Patric I really did not want to get pregnant because I hadn't lost all the weight from my first pregnancy and basically I felt miserable about how I looked. I remember the day distinctly, because we had Brad and Kami over to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas. Naturally, I fell asleep (what else is new) but so did everybody else, with exception to Kami. I woke up and immediately knew the answer to all my prayers...it was to do Atkins. Now---Atkins has had a bad stigma in the public eye because people think all you do is eat meat and no carbs...and quite simply that isn't even possible! Well, I guess it's possible, but I LOVE veggies...so it isn't possible for me. I lost 20 pounds in six weeks, from eating right (lower carbs, less sugar)...of course there was Thanksgiving and various cheat days in there...but I also worked out about 5 times a week during that time period.
Now I feel like I am ready to get pregnant. The weight is off, and then some...I have lost 24 pounds as of this post...I am back to where I was when we got married. I would love to be even less, but I am not dieting as strict as before, because I dont want to shock my body when I have to start eating more balanced meals for any baby that may come along. Patric and I have been trying this month, and I REALLY hope we get pregnant, because I REALLY want an October baby.
Anyway-
Back to the economy--Patric's company isn't doing so well....he wouldn't be the first one to go since he is the only one in the Marketing Department, but it gives his bosses an excuse to not give bonuses and probably raises...and that scares me. I don't know what we will do when baby #2 comes along and what if I suddenly can't keep up with my business and two kids?!? I know things will work out they way they are supposed to...so I am not worried TOO much...but right now I know how much is in my bank account for my business, and it worries me. I also REALLY want to do more tax returns this tax season, but then the other part of my wants to wait until I have my EA to advertise myself more for taxes. I will be doing four new tax returns this year, that I didn't last year...but I may have also lost a client because they moved...I don't know whether they will want me to do their taxes or not...they haven't said.
Anyways---
I guess I better go back to studying. At least this test is not as hard as the first one. I went into the first test REALLY nervous and scared that I was going to fail...but I didn't. And so I need to pass this test on February 7 and then take another one sometime in the summer and be DONE with the testing part and actually put my application in. I REALLY want to have all that done before another baby comes along...and definitely before next tax season.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
8:26pm December 13, 2008
So a week has passed since I last wrote. I think a weekly entry might suffice for this blog...we shall see. Anyway--today was an interesting day. My mom has this idea in her head that my stepdad is Grandpa to her grandchildren...and well...I feel like that is not respecting my children's REAL grandfather who is not alive and they will never meet in this world. She said in passing today that Grandpa Landy...blah blah blah and I finally said to her that Charlie is Charlie to my kids. She went off at me, and completely missed any points (I think) that I was making...but I unleashed on her a lot of the crap that I have had pinned up in me since basically birth.
I have said it before, and I will say it again....my mom is the strongest woman I know...she lost two children and a spouse before the age of 60...but she is ALSO so far in her own little world to understand the damage that has been done to any of her kids. I asked her today why I didn't get counseling for my father's death...and she said she didn't agree with psychology basically. She did say that she read somewhere that losing a parent to a child is like child abuse, psychologically...so you THINK she would take from that that I have issues from my childhood...but she is oblivious to it all..or at least doesn't acknowledge her shortcomings as a mother. Obviously I have not walked in her shoes, so I do not know how I would be...but I would like to THINK I would try SO hard to still be a parent for my four children still left at home....Ian, Megan, Josh and I were still at home when my father died.
Anyways--I have lost 20 lbs officially today. I have been doing the atkins diet (modified kinda) and working out HARDCORE so that I could lose weight. I celebrated by eating pizza and cookies tonight...haha...but I have not been SO strict that I haven't had pizza in the last 6 weeks....I have...and I have had ice cream and potatoes etc...I just eat REALLY good the next couple of days if I do indulge. It feels SO GOOD to be able to fit ALL of my clothes again. I have missed my wardrobe SO much. I refused to buy a whole new wardrobe, because we didn't have the money...but also I was not going to accept that I was in a size I didn't want to be in...so I only bought ONE pair of jeans that were in the bigger size...and that's about it. Now I can wear those jeans and actually another pair that is too big for me, whenever I get pregnant again...because they are both too big for me now. To get pregnant is ideal for us now because we want a fall baby for 2009...but a part of me wants to enjoy my smaller body for awhile....but I am pulling more for another baby...especially since my sister is due in March and I LOVE that Sage and Josh are only 9 months apart...that is right...Megan had Sage the cycle that I got pregnant. I told Megan that history could possibly repeat itself and we get pregnant in March when she is due...but I REALLY hope we get pregnant either this cycle or the next..so we have a September or October baby. I actually would rather have an October baby...so that it is farther away from August..because about a million people in my family have August birthdays.
I realized today how much Patric is my rock now in my life. He is who I can rely on solely and that is EXACTLY how it should be. I have had a VERY hard time letting him get completely 100% close to me...and if you know my past, that is not shocking...but I truly LOVE Patric and know that he is my soulmate. He accepts me 100% for the way I am...I wish I could do the same for him..haha.
Well--We gotta get Josh down for the night...we tend to enjoy him so much at night that we don't want to put him to bed.
I have said it before, and I will say it again....my mom is the strongest woman I know...she lost two children and a spouse before the age of 60...but she is ALSO so far in her own little world to understand the damage that has been done to any of her kids. I asked her today why I didn't get counseling for my father's death...and she said she didn't agree with psychology basically. She did say that she read somewhere that losing a parent to a child is like child abuse, psychologically...so you THINK she would take from that that I have issues from my childhood...but she is oblivious to it all..or at least doesn't acknowledge her shortcomings as a mother. Obviously I have not walked in her shoes, so I do not know how I would be...but I would like to THINK I would try SO hard to still be a parent for my four children still left at home....Ian, Megan, Josh and I were still at home when my father died.
Anyways--I have lost 20 lbs officially today. I have been doing the atkins diet (modified kinda) and working out HARDCORE so that I could lose weight. I celebrated by eating pizza and cookies tonight...haha...but I have not been SO strict that I haven't had pizza in the last 6 weeks....I have...and I have had ice cream and potatoes etc...I just eat REALLY good the next couple of days if I do indulge. It feels SO GOOD to be able to fit ALL of my clothes again. I have missed my wardrobe SO much. I refused to buy a whole new wardrobe, because we didn't have the money...but also I was not going to accept that I was in a size I didn't want to be in...so I only bought ONE pair of jeans that were in the bigger size...and that's about it. Now I can wear those jeans and actually another pair that is too big for me, whenever I get pregnant again...because they are both too big for me now. To get pregnant is ideal for us now because we want a fall baby for 2009...but a part of me wants to enjoy my smaller body for awhile....but I am pulling more for another baby...especially since my sister is due in March and I LOVE that Sage and Josh are only 9 months apart...that is right...Megan had Sage the cycle that I got pregnant. I told Megan that history could possibly repeat itself and we get pregnant in March when she is due...but I REALLY hope we get pregnant either this cycle or the next..so we have a September or October baby. I actually would rather have an October baby...so that it is farther away from August..because about a million people in my family have August birthdays.
I realized today how much Patric is my rock now in my life. He is who I can rely on solely and that is EXACTLY how it should be. I have had a VERY hard time letting him get completely 100% close to me...and if you know my past, that is not shocking...but I truly LOVE Patric and know that he is my soulmate. He accepts me 100% for the way I am...I wish I could do the same for him..haha.
Well--We gotta get Josh down for the night...we tend to enjoy him so much at night that we don't want to put him to bed.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
12:10am Sunday December 6, 2008
I like myself better as a blond. I really do...I feel more attractive, I feel like other people notice me more, I truly believe the saying, blonds have more fun. But--I get so tired of having to highlight my hair every other month or whatever (and lets face it...I only really highlight it before the summer and become lazy the rest of the year). So---I have been sporting brown hair for awhile. I don't hate my brown hair...but I don't feel like myself when I wear brown hair...
This entry is not going to be all superficial and about hair color...it is just the segway to where I am going.
Lately I have not felt myself...more like I haven't felt like myself since Josh was born. I know that having a kid completely changes your entire world and nothing is ever the same again...but I miss the person I once was. I now fear that the women in my social group at church will judge me if I am my total and complete self around them (and if you know me I generally do not care what other people think about me). Because of this fear...I have a hard time getting close to anyone...generally because I do not want to form a friendship just to be left alone. I became pretty close friends with two women this year....and they both moved away. I had a best friend through middle school and high school and then poof...college hits and she is gone forever. She didnt even live in the same state as me during the last three years of high school, but we kept in touch, I visited her twice, she lived with me the summer before college...we get to college and basically lose all contact. I know her email address...I email her from time to time, I know that she has three kids (holy hell!! She IS the same age as me...) but that is about it. (And I had other best friends in high school other than this particular person...but they are amazingly still in my life in some way, shape or form...which is amazing...we just are at different places in our lives, states or whatever...so getting together is not always easy)
I just miss the closeness of a best friend...someone reliable...someone who will be there for you NO MATTER WHAT! Someone who will accept me for who I am..especially because I am NOT always nice...and I say what is on my mind...and I can be mean...but I can also be SO caring...NEVER judgemental(believe me...I have enough guilt in my life to EVER consider judging someone else for what they do)...the type that will help if needed, chat until 2 in the morning (as long as it is important) etc. I feel like there is no point in even trying to be close friends with anyone at church because no one even wants to be friends with me. I am always the one to call to hang out...unless it is a playgroup type thing. I understand mom's are busy (believe me...running a small company and staying home with Josh is sometimes enough for me to just lock myself up in a room when he is down for a nap) but why can't I EVER get a phone call from one of these ladies saying...let's hang out...or let's go to lunch?? I can't possibly be the only one ever reaching out...or can I??
I have been blessed immensely in my life. I have good health, a husband that would do anything for me, a sweet and funny little boy who is also healthy, a roof over my head, food in my belly and clothes on my back.
But
I have also experienced great pain. I lost my father when I was eight years old to cancer....and really...I lost my father far before that....he was sick my entire life. I don't even know what are real memories and what are memories of memories (meaning home videos that I have watched over and over again). When he died...my mom went into hibernation for like 4 years. So, that day I lost both parents. I do remember the day my father died vividly in my mind. He died May 11, 1992. I remember that he spoke in church the day before...and he seemed like he was healthy. He was sick the next day and did not go to work (I dont think). I was not allowed to see him that day, but I heard him coughing a lot throughout the day. I remember my mom saying that she needed to go check on him (I believe Megan and I were watching tv at this time). But then the phone rang and it was Ga Ga (my mom's mom) so she spoke to her before going upstairs to check on my dad. Once she got off the phone, she checked on him...and then came rushing downstairs...at that point she told me to go outside and get my brothers (Ian and Josh). They were throwing around a football. I told them that they needed to go inside and do CPR on dad...they laughed at me and told me to stop playing tricks...but I believe they saw the seriousness in my eyes as the tears started to swell up. At that point...I dont remember much actually. I know that my brother Ian did CPR on him. I was not upstairs to witness it. I believe my mom told me to go to my neighbor's house.
When the ambulance came, they took my dad out of our house already in a body bag basically. I remember hugging tightly to my mom on the side of the house as they pulled him out of the house....and that was it...the rest of my life as I knew it was going to be different.
There were many positives of my dad's life with cancer. The doctor's told him he only had like six months to live...but he lived a good seven years. He was too weak to walk at one point...but he worked up the strength again to walk...and was able to baptize me. I don't EVER remember my dad feeling sorry for himself or even talking about his sickness. I remember his voice...oh to hear his voice again.
I have suppressed my sadness for so long...hiding behind the image of a class clown, someone who can make fun of herself and laugh with others as they do too. My father has been gone for over 16 years, and I am crying more about it now then I have ever. I always wonder how I would have been if he had not died. Would I have been a quitter? I was a ballerina when I was younger...I was a gifted swimmer...I quit both (though I did pick up swimming again in high school...but I was not as good as I could have been if I did it all throughout my life). Would I have had the trust issues that I had? Would I be able to relate to people better? I know that his life and death helped shape me to be the person I am today...but sometimes the pain of his death can be so unbearable...even now, 16 years later.
I have harsh critics all around me...he only see my outer layer...and judge me instantly because of that. These are mainly people in Sweden who have only known me in high stress situations and don't see the day to day person that I truly am. Patric made the mistake, while we were in a horrible fight, to let me know what some of his friends/family thought of me...let me tell you, whether they were right or not, it never hurt me so much in my life...and I have a hard time not emailing or calling each of them up to give them a little insight into why I am the way I am.
Anyways...this post is going to go on all night if I don't stop. I do feel liberated in writing these thoughts...even if no one ever reads them...at least they are there for me.
This entry is not going to be all superficial and about hair color...it is just the segway to where I am going.
Lately I have not felt myself...more like I haven't felt like myself since Josh was born. I know that having a kid completely changes your entire world and nothing is ever the same again...but I miss the person I once was. I now fear that the women in my social group at church will judge me if I am my total and complete self around them (and if you know me I generally do not care what other people think about me). Because of this fear...I have a hard time getting close to anyone...generally because I do not want to form a friendship just to be left alone. I became pretty close friends with two women this year....and they both moved away. I had a best friend through middle school and high school and then poof...college hits and she is gone forever. She didnt even live in the same state as me during the last three years of high school, but we kept in touch, I visited her twice, she lived with me the summer before college...we get to college and basically lose all contact. I know her email address...I email her from time to time, I know that she has three kids (holy hell!! She IS the same age as me...) but that is about it. (And I had other best friends in high school other than this particular person...but they are amazingly still in my life in some way, shape or form...which is amazing...we just are at different places in our lives, states or whatever...so getting together is not always easy)
I just miss the closeness of a best friend...someone reliable...someone who will be there for you NO MATTER WHAT! Someone who will accept me for who I am..especially because I am NOT always nice...and I say what is on my mind...and I can be mean...but I can also be SO caring...NEVER judgemental(believe me...I have enough guilt in my life to EVER consider judging someone else for what they do)...the type that will help if needed, chat until 2 in the morning (as long as it is important) etc. I feel like there is no point in even trying to be close friends with anyone at church because no one even wants to be friends with me. I am always the one to call to hang out...unless it is a playgroup type thing. I understand mom's are busy (believe me...running a small company and staying home with Josh is sometimes enough for me to just lock myself up in a room when he is down for a nap) but why can't I EVER get a phone call from one of these ladies saying...let's hang out...or let's go to lunch?? I can't possibly be the only one ever reaching out...or can I??
I have been blessed immensely in my life. I have good health, a husband that would do anything for me, a sweet and funny little boy who is also healthy, a roof over my head, food in my belly and clothes on my back.
But
I have also experienced great pain. I lost my father when I was eight years old to cancer....and really...I lost my father far before that....he was sick my entire life. I don't even know what are real memories and what are memories of memories (meaning home videos that I have watched over and over again). When he died...my mom went into hibernation for like 4 years. So, that day I lost both parents. I do remember the day my father died vividly in my mind. He died May 11, 1992. I remember that he spoke in church the day before...and he seemed like he was healthy. He was sick the next day and did not go to work (I dont think). I was not allowed to see him that day, but I heard him coughing a lot throughout the day. I remember my mom saying that she needed to go check on him (I believe Megan and I were watching tv at this time). But then the phone rang and it was Ga Ga (my mom's mom) so she spoke to her before going upstairs to check on my dad. Once she got off the phone, she checked on him...and then came rushing downstairs...at that point she told me to go outside and get my brothers (Ian and Josh). They were throwing around a football. I told them that they needed to go inside and do CPR on dad...they laughed at me and told me to stop playing tricks...but I believe they saw the seriousness in my eyes as the tears started to swell up. At that point...I dont remember much actually. I know that my brother Ian did CPR on him. I was not upstairs to witness it. I believe my mom told me to go to my neighbor's house.
When the ambulance came, they took my dad out of our house already in a body bag basically. I remember hugging tightly to my mom on the side of the house as they pulled him out of the house....and that was it...the rest of my life as I knew it was going to be different.
There were many positives of my dad's life with cancer. The doctor's told him he only had like six months to live...but he lived a good seven years. He was too weak to walk at one point...but he worked up the strength again to walk...and was able to baptize me. I don't EVER remember my dad feeling sorry for himself or even talking about his sickness. I remember his voice...oh to hear his voice again.
I have suppressed my sadness for so long...hiding behind the image of a class clown, someone who can make fun of herself and laugh with others as they do too. My father has been gone for over 16 years, and I am crying more about it now then I have ever. I always wonder how I would have been if he had not died. Would I have been a quitter? I was a ballerina when I was younger...I was a gifted swimmer...I quit both (though I did pick up swimming again in high school...but I was not as good as I could have been if I did it all throughout my life). Would I have had the trust issues that I had? Would I be able to relate to people better? I know that his life and death helped shape me to be the person I am today...but sometimes the pain of his death can be so unbearable...even now, 16 years later.
I have harsh critics all around me...he only see my outer layer...and judge me instantly because of that. These are mainly people in Sweden who have only known me in high stress situations and don't see the day to day person that I truly am. Patric made the mistake, while we were in a horrible fight, to let me know what some of his friends/family thought of me...let me tell you, whether they were right or not, it never hurt me so much in my life...and I have a hard time not emailing or calling each of them up to give them a little insight into why I am the way I am.
Anyways...this post is going to go on all night if I don't stop. I do feel liberated in writing these thoughts...even if no one ever reads them...at least they are there for me.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Writing
Lately I have felt compelled to write, but I haven't actually sat down to do it. I will use this blog mainly as an online journal of my thoughts of the past, present and future.
I have been listening to A LOT of Pink Floyd lately...and MAN do I wish I had their lyrical/music writing abilities. They evoke probably every emotion I have in me, good and bad. If you know me, you know that I love music and have a REALLY hard time choosing which band is my favorite...but I have officially declared Pink Floyd as my ALL TIME favorite band. They are timeless in my eyes...I always go back to them. I may leave them for a bit to listen to another band, but in the end, they are my drink of choice, if you will.
With music comes memories for me. To give a few examples---
Wish you were here - Pink Floyd - Some of the phrases in this song my brother Josh used to sit with me and analyze. So naturally--not just because of the name of the song and the lyrics used-but also because of this memory, I think of my brother Josh.
If you're not the one - Daniel Beddingfield - Will ALWAYS remind me of the first time I told Patric I loved him...because I was too scared to actually say the words, I played this song for him, and made him pay particular attention to the lyrical phrase, "‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today ‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right And though I can’t be with you tonight And know my heart is by your side"
Du får göra som du vill - Patrik Isaksson - Patric and I listened to this song a lot while we were dating...or more, I found this mixed cd of Swedish music from Patric's cd collection and had to have the music.
There are many more---but that is enough for now.
My biggest dream when I was a little girl was to get into music in some way, shape or form. I was part of a band in middle school--not that we were any good, and my family likes to make fun of me for it--but sometimes I wish I was able to drop the fears that I have and do that again...not caring what anyone thinks. I played the drums, back then, but if I had my way I would do lead vocals. I would LOVE to be able to play the guitar or piano(which I do play, but not very well) but that takes time that, unfortunately, I do not have much of right now as a young mom.
Anyways---I could just go on and on about everything, but for now, this is a good start to my online journal.
I have been listening to A LOT of Pink Floyd lately...and MAN do I wish I had their lyrical/music writing abilities. They evoke probably every emotion I have in me, good and bad. If you know me, you know that I love music and have a REALLY hard time choosing which band is my favorite...but I have officially declared Pink Floyd as my ALL TIME favorite band. They are timeless in my eyes...I always go back to them. I may leave them for a bit to listen to another band, but in the end, they are my drink of choice, if you will.
With music comes memories for me. To give a few examples---
Wish you were here - Pink Floyd - Some of the phrases in this song my brother Josh used to sit with me and analyze. So naturally--not just because of the name of the song and the lyrics used-but also because of this memory, I think of my brother Josh.
If you're not the one - Daniel Beddingfield - Will ALWAYS remind me of the first time I told Patric I loved him...because I was too scared to actually say the words, I played this song for him, and made him pay particular attention to the lyrical phrase, "‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today ‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right And though I can’t be with you tonight And know my heart is by your side"
Du får göra som du vill - Patrik Isaksson - Patric and I listened to this song a lot while we were dating...or more, I found this mixed cd of Swedish music from Patric's cd collection and had to have the music.
There are many more---but that is enough for now.
My biggest dream when I was a little girl was to get into music in some way, shape or form. I was part of a band in middle school--not that we were any good, and my family likes to make fun of me for it--but sometimes I wish I was able to drop the fears that I have and do that again...not caring what anyone thinks. I played the drums, back then, but if I had my way I would do lead vocals. I would LOVE to be able to play the guitar or piano(which I do play, but not very well) but that takes time that, unfortunately, I do not have much of right now as a young mom.
Anyways---I could just go on and on about everything, but for now, this is a good start to my online journal.
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