So a week has passed since I last wrote. I think a weekly entry might suffice for this blog...we shall see. Anyway--today was an interesting day. My mom has this idea in her head that my stepdad is Grandpa to her grandchildren...and well...I feel like that is not respecting my children's REAL grandfather who is not alive and they will never meet in this world. She said in passing today that Grandpa Landy...blah blah blah and I finally said to her that Charlie is Charlie to my kids. She went off at me, and completely missed any points (I think) that I was making...but I unleashed on her a lot of the crap that I have had pinned up in me since basically birth.
I have said it before, and I will say it again....my mom is the strongest woman I know...she lost two children and a spouse before the age of 60...but she is ALSO so far in her own little world to understand the damage that has been done to any of her kids. I asked her today why I didn't get counseling for my father's death...and she said she didn't agree with psychology basically. She did say that she read somewhere that losing a parent to a child is like child abuse, psychologically...so you THINK she would take from that that I have issues from my childhood...but she is oblivious to it all..or at least doesn't acknowledge her shortcomings as a mother. Obviously I have not walked in her shoes, so I do not know how I would be...but I would like to THINK I would try SO hard to still be a parent for my four children still left at home....Ian, Megan, Josh and I were still at home when my father died.
Anyways--I have lost 20 lbs officially today. I have been doing the atkins diet (modified kinda) and working out HARDCORE so that I could lose weight. I celebrated by eating pizza and cookies tonight...haha...but I have not been SO strict that I haven't had pizza in the last 6 weeks....I have...and I have had ice cream and potatoes etc...I just eat REALLY good the next couple of days if I do indulge. It feels SO GOOD to be able to fit ALL of my clothes again. I have missed my wardrobe SO much. I refused to buy a whole new wardrobe, because we didn't have the money...but also I was not going to accept that I was in a size I didn't want to be in...so I only bought ONE pair of jeans that were in the bigger size...and that's about it. Now I can wear those jeans and actually another pair that is too big for me, whenever I get pregnant again...because they are both too big for me now. To get pregnant is ideal for us now because we want a fall baby for 2009...but a part of me wants to enjoy my smaller body for awhile....but I am pulling more for another baby...especially since my sister is due in March and I LOVE that Sage and Josh are only 9 months apart...that is right...Megan had Sage the cycle that I got pregnant. I told Megan that history could possibly repeat itself and we get pregnant in March when she is due...but I REALLY hope we get pregnant either this cycle or the next..so we have a September or October baby. I actually would rather have an October baby...so that it is farther away from August..because about a million people in my family have August birthdays.
I realized today how much Patric is my rock now in my life. He is who I can rely on solely and that is EXACTLY how it should be. I have had a VERY hard time letting him get completely 100% close to me...and if you know my past, that is not shocking...but I truly LOVE Patric and know that he is my soulmate. He accepts me 100% for the way I am...I wish I could do the same for him..haha.
Well--We gotta get Josh down for the night...we tend to enjoy him so much at night that we don't want to put him to bed.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Sasha, Thank you so much for the comment on my blog. I know right--now I just need a job! I'm hoping to move to the Raleigh area of North Carolina, but I'm still waiting to hear back from the Wake County Public Schools people. I might call this week to check (again) on my application. They say it takes 6-8 weeks to process.
Anyway, I am so proud of you for losing all of that weight! :) Congratulations!
Also, your words about Patric being your soulmate were so touching...You seem to be so happy and I'm so happy for you.
Sasha, you an amazing woman. You remind me alot of Rick (don't hit me or hate me). That is awesome about the weight loss. After 5 kids I can relate. You do not have to call your mom's husband Grandpa-I agree with you on that. I remember your mom very well and she is a strong and opinionated lady who loves you. Hold onto your soulmate and keep loving him. I am about ready to celebrate 15 years of marriage with mine and I still love him as much as the day I met him (which was 19 years ago). I would love to see you all grown up-again I just remember you as a sparkly little girl. You sound like you still have that sparkle in you.
I love reading your thoughts Sasha. You have a talent for expressing yourself well. Not everyone can do that, me included.
I updated my blog finally so the stocking may resume. Did you delete your family blog?? I don't see it!!
Post a Comment